If you don’t have a Jewish grandmother, I highly suggest you get one. They aren’t too hard to find, just go to a Jewish deli around the time they serve the early bird special. The place will be splitting at the seams with Bubbies. Just stand there and sigh, “I wish I could find someone to give me dating advice.” You’ll be swarmed faster than a free bottle of Manischewitz.

A Jewish grandma is like having your own personal cheerleader. While my parents were sick of me, my Jewish grandmother was enchanted with everything I did. No matter how fat I got, she told me I was too skinny. She said I was pretty even when I had acne, crooked teeth, an unfortunate home perm, and I believed her. She filled my heart with love and my pockets with macaroons.

What I’m most grateful for, is my grandmother’s sage wisdom. She’d tenderly stroke my head, and share ancient Jewish proverbs like “no man is perfect, even a knight in shining armor is going have balls that smell like dirty nickels.”

I’m grateful for Jewish grandmothers because no matter what religion, every girl needs a Jewish grandmother to make her feel beautiful, smart, skinny and loved, loved, loved.

That’s why I’m grateful for Jewish grandmothers.

P.S. Nanna, I miss you. And if you’re really watching over me like you said you would, that thing in my nightstand isn’t what you think. It’s used for sore neck muscles.