My nieces have a cuss jar at their house, if they catch you saying a naughty word, you have to hand over a buck. Unfortunately, their swear words include darn, stupid, jerk and shut-up. Next time I go over for dinner, there better be an ATM close by -- I could be bankrupt before my first breadstick.

I distinctly remember the first time I used profanity. I shared a dirty limerick in my Girl Scouts meeting and was unceremoniously kicked out, asked to hand in my sash, and of course -- I was hooked. After that, I swore so much when my mom would wash my mouth out with soap, I knew what every brand tasted like, and I had my favorites. Neutrogena, a little bit sweet, Irish Spring a bit woodsy and Dial Deodorant soap tasted like shit, which brings us back to more mouth washing.

Getting in touch with my inner longshoreman relaxes me, and it turns out there’s scientific research to back me up. Researchers believe swear words actually make you feel better. A professor at Keele University advises people to swear because it serves a practical purpose. Cursing elevates the heart rate and temporarily mutes the sensation of pain by releasing endorphins. They go on to say, and I quote “The most popular swear words are f---, s--- and the two B-words.” Huh? B-words? Call me crazy, but if you really wanna elevate a heart rate, let loose with the C-word at your next Tupperware party, that’ll give a few bitches a coronary. Oooh, I used the B-word, my heart is racing. Quick, someone get me a cute medic.

I’ve also read that swearing comes from early forms of magic. When cultures give words power, such as in spells, they believe words can curse or bless people, making some words “good” and others “naughty.” A councilor told me dirty language would prevent me from getting a decent job. The president of the United States drops the F bomb in his audio book and it didn’t seem to hurt his career path. (By the way, thank you April Winchell for that last link, you’re a girl with a potty mouth after my own heart.)

I never use profanity to hurt someone else’s feelings. When I cuss, I’m usually swearing at myself, and I’m a big girl so I can take it. I’m grateful for #@$%! because now that I’m older, when I cuss, I can wash my mouth out with something more disinfecting than soap -- a dirty martini.

That’s why I’m grateful for #@$%!