In China you’re only allowed to have one kid, and big shockeroo -- they all want boys, so baby girls are discarded like wayward socks on the side of the road. In 20 years when all of those precious baby boys want to have their own precious baby boys, they’re gonna be sooooo screwed. You can’t mess with Mother Nature because she’ll send some girl karma your way and kick your misogynistic ass. One day soon, women will be so powerful in China, they’ll have to change the name to Vagchina.

Asia hasn’t cornered the market on undervaluing women. There was an amazing female executive at my company who worked her ass off. Our management passed her over to promote a guy whose only accomplishment was figuring out he had to remove the foil wrapper before he warmed his breakfast burrito in the microwave – and even that took a while for him to figure out.

The reason she couldn’t break through the glass ceiling? She didn’t play golf with the client. I shit thee not. She was disregarded because she didn’t swing a club or a dick around the office. The great thing is, she didn’t drown herself in a huge puddle of tears and smeared mascara. She started her own company and it’s doing amazingly well, even better than my firm. Just like the rulers in China, the misogynistic men of my company have doomed our office to fail.

One day in our lifetimes, the women of China will become a huge part of history when their ancient patriarchal society falls. I’m grateful for girl karma because one day I’ll be a part of history as well. I’m going to be an executive for a Fortune 500 company run exclusively by women. In case you think I’m being a hypocrite and I don’t understand the value of men, that’s not true. I’ll make sure we have a large staff of guys, in the secretarial pool.

That’s why I’m grateful for girl karma.