I understand why girls have sex toy parties. But candle parties? Really? How many women are too embarrassed to buy a candle in public? At sex toy parties my drunk friends are in gag ball masks, tripping over themselves as they’re stepping into strap-on dildo harnesses while wearing anal beads like necklaces. I guess at candle parties everyone participates in equally raucous activities, like sitting around watching candles burn. WTF? Boy howdy, I can’t begin to imagine the embarrassment the next day when you wake up and realize you lit the wick on the beeswax candle before you trimmed it, you naughty girl.

Unable to process why people do this, I found a candle party website that clearly explained this phenomenon. (No, I’m not making this up, or correcting the typos)

Top 5 reasons to have a candle party

1.  Its a great way to earn extra income!

2.  You can be you’re own boss!

3.  Its a super fun hobby for your spare time!

4.  A neat way to meet new friends!

5.  No one doesn’t like candels.

6.  You get to make a big mess at someone else's house, LOL!

Thank you very much, now I get it. If I go to a candle party, I’m buying. I want largest taper candle they make so I can stick it in my eye socket and kill myself. I’m grateful for candle parties because they remind me that no matter how much I hate my job, it could be worse. I could be forced to sell candles, in my spare time and make a big mess at someone else’s house.

That’s why I’m grateful for candle parties.