Halloween has always been a great excuse for me to dress in what would normally be considered hideous and inappropriate. But sadly, these are the same things that make me look pretty -- super long eyelashes, stripper ponytails, thigh high boots, corsets, bedazzled dog collars (don’t ask) and push up bras. Pretty much all the stuff that works for female impersonators and drag queens, works for me. But this year, maybe I’ll break with tradition and I won’t dress up a like a sexy devil or a French maid. Maybe I’ll dress up as something scary. I’m going to be the most terrifying creature known to man. I’m going to dress up like that girl Flo in the Progressive Insurance commercials. Nope. Too scary and unrealistic.

Remember when Halloween was about the candy and not about meeting a hot guy in a fireman costume? You’d trick or treat your ass off in your flame retardant costume until you had to pee or go to sleep – or if you were a boy, just to sleep. Your only care in the world was making sure some mean neighborhood boy in a Darth Vader mask didn’t jump out from behind a bush and steal all of your candy. For the record, Michael Kelly, I know it was you, and I hope you choked to death on those ill-gotten fun size Snickers.

The origin of All Hallows Eve begins with a legend that’s pretty eerie, since I can relate to it. The jack-o'-lantern can be traced back to the Irish tale of Stingy Jack, a greedy, gambling, hard-drinker. Sound like anyone we know? The devil placed a curse on me -- I mean Jack, condemning him to forever wander the earth, until dawn, shoeless and hung-over, the only light he had was a candle inside of a hollowed turnip. Just like me on a few of my early morning walks of shame, sans turnip of course.

This year when I throw on a costume, I’ll throw away my inhibitions and feel confident in myself and confident that pleather and corsets are waaaaaaay (with loads and loads of “a”s) under utilized by the fashion industry. I’m grateful for Halloween because it’s the one night when I can dress up and party, knowing I look more attractive in a Snuffalufagus costume than I do most days in a business casual outfit from Banana Republic.

That’s why I’m grateful for Halloween.