I’m bad in bed. No, let me re-phrase that. A partially inflated sex-doll filled with cold chili has better technique than I do. The first time I touched a man’s penis, I grabbed it hard as I could and pumped it up and down like I was using a jack to raise up a truck, surprisingly -- that didn’t go over so well. Now, I know better, and I still can’t say my modus operandi has improved much. That’s why I need the Sex With Emily radio show and podcast.
Most sex show hostesses fall into two categories. Old ladies who look like Jabba the Hutt in Talbots, or 30-ish women with freakish addictions to plastic surgery, peroxide and unfiltered cigarettes. Emily is angelically pretty, Mensa smart and she seems like she wouldn’t flirt with your boyfriend when you got up to go to the bathroom. I’m open to learning stuff from Emily because she manages to chat about all things sex-related without being overly clinical or vulgar (I guess it’s a family-friendly GLBT, Ménage à trois, bondage sex show.) I need all the advice I can get, but I’m shy about my sexuality, so I need to learn stuff from someone I can relate to, not from some grizzled broad who thinks kissing is too intimate, but analigus with the pizza delivery guy is a great alternative to tipping.
On one show Emily interviews her prim and proper mother only to discover her mom made a sex tape with her father. The first thing she says? “Mom, I didn’t know you had a video camera.” Okay, I didn’t know my dad had a penis, I still don’t want to know, and you’ll have to excuse me right now – I’m going to vomit until my stomach flips inside out. Okay, I’m back. I’m grateful for Sex With Emily because her approachable sexuality reminds me to be a good lover I don’t have to be a caricature of a woman or act like I’m giving a guy a clinical exam. (So that’s what a prostrate gland feels like…) Sex is funny and healthy and wholesome and I’ve got a lot to learn. With Emily’s help, I’m going to gain confidence and go from being bad in bed, to being a bad, bad girl in bed.
That's why I'm grateful for Sex with Emily.