Call me lucky, but I have asymmetrical nipples. Yup, all asymmetrical, all the time. It’s just one of those hereditary defects (I’m not going to blame anyone by name, but you know who you are grandma). So, if you’re blessed with symmetrical nipples, grab the girls right now. Seriously, even if you’re at work, grab your breasts and say a prayer to the mammary gods. Sure, the guy in the cube next to you may report you to HR -- or he may buy you lunch.

The other day I saw an ad for a new Bali bra with these flower shaped pads that cover the nipple area. I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall when the marketing department came up with the name for those pad thingies. You just know they hired a group of slick, 20-something ad men who threw out names like

Ta-ta toppers

Honker Hiders

Bosom Buddies

Nope, the winner is, (insert drumroll) Concealing Petals! That’s a name chicks will like, they love getting flowers don’t they?

Some people believe the padded bra was invented in the Victorian era, but archeologists dug up a 1,000 year-old padded bra in China. The gold colored bra was found in an ancient tomb in Inner Mongolia. The bra was made of fine silk with shoulder straps and back strings, just like brassieres of today.

I think most women, including Ms. Mongolia want to look their best. I’m grateful for padded bras because I need a little help in the chest department, so the thicker, the better. If bras with Concealing Petals hide my wonky nipple secret, I’m going to buy ten of them. Sure, it may cost a lot of money, but just think of all the cash I’ll save. I’ll just keep grabbing my overly-padded boobs at work, and I may never have to buy my own lunch again.

That’s why I’m grateful for padded bras.