I just read a news blurb so shocking, I accidentally sloshed half my Grey Goose martini into my laptop. A Florida cop was fired for drunken misconduct after he quit showing up for work because he was too intoxicated. He frequently got drunk, groped women and blacked out. The officer took personal responsibility for his actions, said he was sorry, and everyone lived happily ever after. Not so fast Pollyanna, that’s not exactly what he decided to do.

The deputy is suing the Sheriff’s Department for damages on the grounds that alcoholism is recognized as a handicap under the Americans with Disabilities act. The first question I have is, just how drunk was this guy when he filed this lawsuit? Then my next line of questioning would be, if this jackhole wins, does that mean I get a handicapped parking plaque for happy hour? If I wrap my beer bong around my neck, can I cut in line in front of all the kids in wheelchairs at Disneyland?

As much as I’d like to live in world where my strict diet of martinis grants me certain privileges, that deputy needs to own up to the consequences of his drinking. I’m grateful for personal responsibility because I’m the one who chooses how much I drink, so whatever happens, I take full ownership. That’s why I was completely honest when I told the guys at the Apple Genius Bar I spilled a martini into my laptop. (For future reference, drunkenly spilling alcohol into your computer isn’t covered under the warranty no matter how disabled you were at the time. I may have asked – for a friend.)

Today I’m grateful for personal responsibility.