Every year people ask me what I want for Christmas and I magnanimously respond, “Nothing. I have everything I need.” So they end up giving me rooster salt and pepper shakers or something equally craptastic. I know it’s the thought that counts, but what in the hell were they thinking? “I need to re-gift these tacky tchotchkes, who’s stupid enough to want them?” This year I’m going to ask the universe – and all of my relatives and work associates and anyone I’ve ever met, for what I want. I’m going to make a vision board, and a shrine. All of my conscious, subconscious and unconscious energy will be focused. I will use the power of attraction to manifest this gift to me. I’m asking for a membership to the Bacon of the Month Club.

Ladies and gentlemen and universe, at $315 the Bacon of the Month Club ain’t cheap. But can you really put a price on joy?

Here’s what it includes:

- A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months

- Informative notes on all bacon selections

- Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card

- The bacon strip - our member’s only monthly bacon comic strip

- The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen

- A little Rubber Toy Pig

- One free Bacon Tee Shirt

- A recipe each month using the bacon selected

- And a pig nose

Just like the American Express card, I’m sure the Bacon of the Month Membership Card has its privileges. I’m not sure what they are, but if the privileges involve bacon grease, count me in. I’m grateful I can ask for what I want because I know I’m going to manifest this gift to myself. Each month this little piggy will go wee, wee, wee all the way to the mailbox in her bacon t-shirt and pig nose. Maybe my bacon will be in the mailbox -- or maybe I’ll scare the neighborhood children. It’s a win/win situation.

That’s why I’m grateful I can ask for what I want.