Each season fashionistas rip their Latissed lashes out to attend the latest runway shows to steal sneak peeks of the newest designer collections. Fashion is their insulin, and they’re slaves, constantly checking their levels to see if they need a new injection. This year, the newest fashion trend isn’t designer handbags, shoes or jeans. The latest, hottest, most popular fashion trend is, drum roll please – designer vaginas.

When asked why she had vaginal rejuvenation surgery, a woman in an interview said "I'd see women in magazines and be jealous of their perfect vaginas.” I’m going to grab her by the ear like the nuns did to me in school, and yell into her empty head “Hey lady, you don’t need surgery, you just need some airbrushing.”

Don’t get me wrong, if after childbirth you’re able to easily fit a countertop appliance into your vagina, by all means, please seek medical attention. But cosmetic vaginal rejuvenation surgery is on the rise because insecure women are convinced they need to hop on the “pretty” vagina bandwagon. Is there a vagina beauty pageant I don’t know about? Because if there is, I’m not watching – except for the interview segment. You never know what vaginas would say, and they’d probably be more articulate than anyone on the Hills.

No man is going to want to have sex with you because of your designer wardrobe. A cute girl in a Starbucks uniform will attract just as many men as that same girl in head to toe Prada. I’m grateful I don’t follow trends because I know it doesn’t matter what my vagina looks like, men don’t care. Guys like any vagina as long as it doesn’t have a teeth and braces. So as much as I’d like to be hip and trendy, I’m pretty sure the next guy I sleep with will have no idea, nor will he care, that I’m sporting last season’s vagina.

That’s why I’m grateful I don’t follow trends.