Kristen calls, screaming into the phone, “Quick, turn on the TV!” Is it because of some life-threatening, late-breaking news story? Close, she wants me to check out whatever crap they’re selling on QVC. She’s obsessed with some of the shows (and by “some of the shows” I mean all of them) but she has a few favorites. Quacker Factory, The Ninja Master Prep Quad Blade Food & Drink Maker hour, My Time with Mary Beth and You’re Home with Jill – all of which are enjoyable, quality television, according to Kristen. According to me, not so much.

I don’t like people in general, and I don’t like QVC hosts in particular because I don’t think they’re completely honest when they’re featuring a product. If the host turned to Jessica Simpson and said “Your line of handbags is cute, but this one smells like a smoldering diaper in a tire fire.” I’d trust that host so much, I’d buy everything she told me to. Next thing you know I’d be head to toe Joan Rivers jewelry and Elisabeth Hasselbeck momwear.

Probably the main reason I don’t buy anything from QVC is because I have a crush on my hot UPS guy. I couldn’t bear the thought of him wondering what crap I bought when he saw the QVC return address label -- I must also mention I’ve had no problem looking him in the eye as he hands me boxes from Fredrick’s of Hollywood, Adam and Eve and even Do Me In The No-No Place.com (the last two were for bachelorette parties – if by any chance you were one of the attendees and you’re reading this, I want my inflatable sheep back.)

I’m grateful for quality TV like QVC because Kristen can turn it on and watch a show with her kids knowing there won’t be any sex, violence or inflatable sheep. QVC also offers products people actually need -- like a phone with caller ID, so people can avoid future calls from their friend Kristen.

That’s why I’m grateful for quality TV.