I’m not sure if I believe erectile dysfunction is a legitimate medical condition, but I know shopping withdrawal is a medical emergency -- and it should be covered by most health insurance plans. SW (all the best medical conditions are shortened to just initials) symptoms include sweaty palms, dizziness and an inability to concentrate. If you feel an attack of SW coming on, you should immediately sit down, and self-medicate with some serious online shopping. The Wall Street Journal lists the “big three” merchandising sites in order of popularity as:
Sometimes a girl suffering a fit of SW can’t be satiated by tube socks and discount books. She needs a shot of lux shopping to shock her system and her credit card balance.
Personally, my SW is a shoe-related condition. I’m unable to eat or sleep and I suffer nightmares, no…night terrors that I won’t be able to find those DVF (all the best designers go by just their initials) boots in my size when I go shopping this weekend. Thankfully, SFGate.com lists the top members-only shopping sites selling ultra-fancy luxury items that’ll resuscitate a girl when her pupils are fixed and dilated.
The top high end retail therapy sites are:
I’m grateful there’s a cure for SW so women can shop until they drop -- dropping is not a harmful side effect, it’s pure retail ecstasy. Maybe, one day the AMA (or WebMD) will recognize Shopping Withdrawal as the life threatening illness it is. Doctors and personal shoppers warn: Do not operate a motor vehicle when suffering from shopping withdrawal – unless you’re on the way to a mall.
That’s why I’m grateful there’s a cure for SW.