When we were zygotes in our mother’s womb, cells split and somewhere along the line physical characteristics were decided, the color of our eyes, skin, hair and most important -- if we’d have a big ass or a flat butt. I know it’s not fair but that’s just the way biology works (if you don’t like it, write a nasty email to Mother Nature and leave me out of it.) But now, those less blessed in the badonk-adonk department can rejoice. Flat-bottomed girls, say hello to your lil’ friend, Bootie Pop padded panties.

Not since the invention of the remote-control g-string has there been an undergarment that’s received so much attention. I’m not naming names (because you know who you are Kristen) but some of my friends have small butts and they need a little help. Before you feel bad for Kristen, she has a huge rack of gorgeous, natural boobs, so cry me a river. Kristen loves her Bootie Pops so much, never takes them off. Okay that sounds disgusting, I’m pretty sure she’s exaggerating or she has a few pairs. They come three sizes, sweet, sweeter and sweetest or as I like to call them, small, medium and Kim Kardashian.

Personally, I’m little low on cash right now, so I won’t be shelling out $19.95 + s&h for Bootie Pops to make my butt bigger. Instead, I’ll eat a $3.95 box of Entenmann's doughnuts and hope for the best. I’m grateful for Bootie Pop panties because now you don’t have to be insecure -- or a drag queen, to emphasize what your lacking in the fanny department. (For those of you in the UK, I mean fanny as in bottom, not what you’re thinking.)

That’s why I’m grateful for Bootie Pop.