On the weekends I have a pretty hectic schedule. I wake-up around noon, tinkle, go back to sleep for a bit, eventually make my way into the kitchen for a toaster strudel and before I know it -- it’s nap time. My insane friend Kristen (did I say insane? I meant to say peppy, because that sounds nicer, and she’s been known to read this blog) gets up so early she could give roosters a wake-up call. She packs her day chock-a-block with errands, chores, volunteer work, and on and on -- just thinking about her schedule is making me sleepy. Before I nod off for the third time today, I have to tell you, Kristen isn’t some freakish dynamo, the girl is an energy drink addict.

Kristen’s tried a few brands, and by a few -- I mean every energy drink created in North America, South America and possibly a few drinks brewed by an African witch doctor with a questionable marketing degree. Kristen starts each day with a RockStar no carb and a Red Bull chaser. When she needs a pick me up around noon she downs a Go Girl. (I’ve never heard of Go Girl so I looked it up and accidentally went to the site for the Go Girl urination device. It’s a reusable funnel so you can pee standing up after you’ve had too many energy drinks, but that’s a whole different blog for another day.) Around 7pm Kristen has a 5-Hour Energy, and if the name is accurate, that’ll take her up to midnight.

The only energy drink I’ve ever tried was a Hansen’s mixed with vodka, and the hangover was so mind numbingly painful (trust me when I say I’m not stranger to hangovers, but this one was one mean muther) I swore I’d never take another sip. I’m grateful I don’t need energy drinks to get through the day because frankly, their side effects scare me. Any drink that lists insomnia as a side effect isn’t my cup of tea. This girl needs her beauty rest and I don’t want anything interrupting my 11-hour sleep schedule.

That’s why I’m grateful I don’t need energy drinks.