I’m not sure why celebs feel the need to write books, but they do, and there’s a new one that’s a doosie, or better yet, a don’t-sie. Jennifer Love Hewitt is on the road promoting her new literary masterpiece about dating and has some sage advice for all of us girls. Need I remind you that she’s yet to land herself a husband and has been linked to the uber-catch Jamie Kennedy? These facts leave me questioning her authority on the subject of dating and lead me to the conclusion that perhaps Jen is not exactly the Obi-Wan Kenobi of the dating universe.

Normally I wouldn’t pick on the girl, but she went on the George Lopez show to pass along some of her dating expertise, so all bets are off. One of her tips: glue shiny things on your cooter.
 “After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” Hewitt said. “It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays.” WTF? You can watch the YouTube clip here, but save yourself some brain cells and forward to minute 2:30.

Sure George Lopez pretended to be aroused, but he was only being polite. I’m sure he would’ve been just as excited if she said she had a seven-layer burrito in her handbag. I’m grateful for dating advice because I’m going to give you some you can actually use. Guys love vagina, any vagina, vagina covered in sawdust is good. The only vagina guys don’t want, is vagina covered in scratchy, sharp pieces of glass. And another thing while I’m at it, don’t call anything or anyone “your precious lady.” Pimps don’t even use that euphemism because they think it’s tacky. That’s my dating advice and you didn’t have to pay $19.99 for the hard-cover copy.

That’s why I’m grateful for dating advice.