Shams and duvets and dust ruffles, oh my! I’m a sucker for thread counts and throw pillows and anything bedding related. While most people spend 1/3 of their life in bed, I’m gonna be conservative and say I spend at least 2/3 of mine between the sheets. I hang out in the sack to watch TV, read, send emails and on occasion I’ve been known to use the bed for it’s God given purpose, eating pizza (don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it.) But there’s something new in the world of nighty-night, Viagra  infused sheets. I hope they come in colors other than just blue.

A 44 year-old inventor has figured out a way to incorporate the little blue pill into bed sheets allowing the drug to seep into a man’s pores leaving him – I’m quoting the press release here, “unable to concentrate on anything except, well, you know.” I guess this Spanish inventor was too shy to use the technical term, “the forbidden dance.”  This means if a woman is expecting a gentleman caller, unbeknownst to him she can put some Viagra sheets on the bed. That way he’ll have a 12-hour erection and think it’s because she's so sexalicious.

There should also be sheets infused with my drugs of choice. I’d like alcohol infused sheets, so I can watch TV and get buzzed without the hassle of actually getting up to refill my wine glass. What about marijuana sheets? (I’ve tried hemp sheets, and trust me, they didn’t work, however they were surprisingly soft, but totally untokeable.) I’m grateful for new sheets because of the endless possibilities. I’m going to infuse mine with Alli so I can lose pounds while I’m in bed sleeping or – eating pizza.

That’s why I’m grateful for new sheets.