I could fill a Kindle with all the stuff my white trash granny does to embarrass me, but the one thing that makes me want to run and hide, (just typing this is making my face hot) is how she digs in her bra for money at the grocery store. She uses her bra like a handbag, but because DNA is a prankster, I can’t even use my bra as a coin purse. 

I thought my granny was an anomaly, but it turns out -- I’m the weirdo. A woman named CJ Arabia has written an article where she actually lists all the stuff she puts in her bra on a daily basis. Arabia confesses, “I stored lipstick in mine once, and it dislodged while I was dancing and leaked all over me like something out of a horror film.” She also uses her brassieres to hold cell phones, gum and earrings. Arabia’s friends are also breast-blessed. One girl called a locksmith because she forgot she shoved her keys in her bra when she went out drinking. She lost an entire set of keys in her bra? I’ve never lost my keys in my apartment, how big are these woman’s boobs?

Now comes the part of the blog where I have to be grateful for something. It’s not Bitter-tude Cocktail, but…let me get this straight…if you have huge boobs, not only do you get all the guys, you get additional storage? I guess I’m grateful my grandma isn’t as much of a weirdo as I thought. For the record, the only thing I’ve ever put in my bra was a wad of toilet paper before the 9th grade dance, but that's another humiliating blog for another day. I don’t want to say life isn’t fair, but come on, forget about blondes, girls with big breasts have all the fun.

Today I’m grateful my grandma isn’t as much of a weirdo as I thought.