In the past I’ve taken the low road and informed you about a few atypical beauty treatments -- remember anal bleaching, the g-shot and vaginal rejuvenation surgery? Well today is another banner day in my quest to share painful procedures I won’t be having anytime in the near future because while I’m all for looking my best -- I’m a big sissy.

Let me introduce you to the Derma Roll. Sure, it sounds nice, like a cinnamon roll or a tootsie roll, but this roll is covered in scores of spikey needles that pierce through the delicate skin on your face. What’s now described as mildly uncomfortable was in the past described as torture (I’m well educated on this subject because I’ve been to Medieval Times dinner and tournament where they display torture devices, and this would fit right in their dungeon.)

Makers of the Derma Roller say 'micro-medical' needles penetrate the skin, creating lots of tiny 'wounds'. Your skin responds by producing extra collagen to 'heal' the punctures, and ‘plumps up’ the skin enhancing the natural blood supply - so you get a natural 'glow'. Wow, that description sure had a crapload of ‘quotation marks.’ Around three Derma Roller sessions are required depending on how damaged your skin is, and cost about $400 per session. Can’t I just lie down on the golf course and have the grounds keeper roll over my face with the aerator?

I’m grateful I’m a big sissy because I’m not tempted to try any of these wacky – and ungodly painful beauty treatments. It makes me accept who I am and actually like the way I look. While I’m not exactly old yet, I am old enough to know the real secret to aging gracefully – is aging painlessly.

That’s why I’m grateful I’m a big sissy.