The following paragraph should be read outloud, in your best Don LaFontaine voice (you know him, he’s the movie announcer guy for all the summer blockbusters.)

“In a world, where your cupcake is no longer your own, teeming with frilly frosting or drizzled with anglaise something-or-other. One bakery, Butch Bakery, will embark on a journey to save mankind. A hero will rise, an empire will fall, all in the quest to bestow the earth with manly cupcakes…”

After saying all of that, my throat is sore, if only I had lemon cupcake soaked in soothing brandy. Good thing there’s Butch Bakery in Manhattan. Their goal is simple, make cupcakes for men and never, ever use pink frosting. Here are just of few of their manly-man creations.

Beer Run- a chocolate beer cake with beer-infused buttercream topped with crushed pretzels.

Rum and Coke- a rum-soaked madagascar vanilla cake with cola bavarian cream

Old Fashioned- an orange-soaked whiskey cake with lemon curd filling.

Home Run- a peanut butter cake with banana bavarian cream & crumbled bacon

Mojito- a rum-soaked lime cake with mint white-chocolate ganache.

B-52- a Kahlua-soaked madagascar vanilla cake with Bailey's bavarian filling.

I asked a few guys around the office about these “mancakes” and they said they’d definitely eat them which isn’t saying much. To see how discerning they are, I cut up a rancid kitchen sponge, put frosting on top and the guys ate those too. I’m grateful for Butch Bakery because even though they say their creations are for men, I have a feeling they secretly want women to buy their cupcakes -- otherwise they wouldn’t have soaked them in booze and named their bakery after a lesbian archetype.

That’s why I’m grateful for Butch Bakery.