I know I shouldn’t be jealous of other girls, but does it still count if she’s an inanimate object? Turns out Barbie just received $540,780 in bling (I need to quit using the word bling since I just heard my grandmother say it) by jewelry designer Stefano Canturi. Barbie now has a 3 carat necklace of white diamonds, and just to gild the lilly a bit more he also gave her diamond ring.  For the record, the nicest piece of jewelry any guy has ever given me was a mood ring in the eighth grade. Instead of moping around, I did what any self-respecting girl would do -- I talked to her sisters, Skipper and Stacy and they gave me the dirt on Barbie.

Barbie’s first pet was a horse named Dancer; since then, she has had more than 50 other pets. Maybe PETA should look into that.

Ken and Barbie broke up on Valentine’s Day in 2004. They never married even after being together more than 43 years. I guess Ken didn’t want to buy the cow since he was gettin’ the milk for free.

Because she’s plastic, Barbie admits she’s technically had plastic surgery. Fine, but her face is totally expressionless, can you say Botox addict?

Barbie has had more than 120 inspirational careers. Which sounds nice, but it really, it means that bitch can’t keep a job.

Instead of feeling better about myself, now I kinda feel bad for Barbie. I’m grateful for Barbie because she taught me a valuable lesson about overcoming jealousy. Even though everything may look great on the outside you never know what goes on behind the closed doors of someone’s Malibu dream house –  like, they may not have a vagina.

That’s why grateful for Barbie.