When you’re 18, it’s easy to be apathetic about the war, but as soon as the government starts talking about a draft, you’ve never seen so many guys throw down their WOW joysticks to protest in the streets. It takes a cause that’s close to your heart to stir up political activism, and I’ve been stirred to my very core. The U.S. Senate Finance Committee is discussing a 10% tax on cosmetic surgery. We’re talking nose jobs, Botox, tummy tucks, lipo, boob jobs and even teeth whitening. Listen up U.S. government, don’t be afraid of the Italian mafia, or the Russian mafia, fear the labia mafia.
Dr. Malcolm Roth, a plastic surgeon in N.Y., said it "would be a discriminatory tax against women, since 86 percent of patients are female and 91 percent are of working age between 19 and 64.” Testify Dr. Roth! This tax is aimed at women because society demands youth and beauty in order to obtain and keep a job, and more important, to get laid.
Unlike marijuana, I can’t grow my own Botox, unless you count that nine year-old can of Spam in the back of my pantry that’s all bloated and about to explode. If Obama passes this tax, I will personally break into the White House and give him a purple nurple. I mean it. (Watch, as soon as this gets posted I’ll have the secret service at my door saying I threatened the life of the president. Which isn’t true, I threatened the nipple of the president, which is all together different.)
The labia mafia needs to band together like the AARP and send an avalanche of emails to the senator that proposed this bill. His name is Max Baucus, no co-incidence his last name rhymes with “Fuck Us”. Here’s his email address. Feel free to copy and paste.
To: Max Baucus chairman of the senate finance committee
Shame on you for proposing a tax on cosmetic procedures. Be warned, if this tax is implemented, all hell will break loose, and our country will have to resort to martial law. There’s no Green Beret or Navy Seal more dangerous than a woman denied her lip injections, she’ll kill you just as soon as look at you.
Sincerely,
Gratitude Cocktail Girl
If our email campaign doesn’t work, we’ll just have to find some activist judges to overturn this. You know Judge Judy would be first in line. One look at her and you know the girl loves her Botox. I’m grateful for political activism because it’s a way for me to express my opinion and help my less fortunate and more wrinkled sisters.
That’s why I’m grateful for political activism.